In the Witness Protection Program

Posted: April 7, 2015 in Past Trips

Lemon drops!

Bopping around Europe these last few months, I recently discovered the most amazing Witness Protection Program, offering voluntary-enrollment! Intrigued, I signed up for one week… with options to extend. πŸ˜‰ Whether it’s with the Feds or UNODC (United Nations Office on Drugs and Crime)… well that bit remains confidential. πŸ˜‰

I can’t remember much about it though, it’s so strange. There were passports and lemon drops, airports and trams. There were French serenades and angry What’s Apps. πŸ˜† Four Seasons champagne and Jimmy Fallon, Skype and melatonin. Perhaps it would have been wise to write something down, next to the open bottle of Pessac Leognan or checked the credentials of the Bordelaise SΓ»retΓ©, before I left ‘home’. 😜 Even better still: upon completion of my curriculum, this Witness Protection Program (Programme de Protection des TΓ©moins) entirely wipes out the reason I even enlisted in the first place! Poof, here I am in Seattle. Love that! 😜

For day two, aesthetics was on the agenda. A full highlight with my 40vol plus 10g Aveda Enlightenment & Dash colour, new makeup and a haircut… I’m certain no one could recongnise me now. πŸ‘Έ I have to admit, the whole thing was pretty legit. A true ‘walkabout’. My cardboard sign would read: “HAVE CASH – WILL TRAVEL”. 🌎 If I show up unannounced in New York, California, Portugal, London, Toulouse, Dubai or random in Seattle: please forgive my lack of advance warning. 😘 Don’t worry, I bring all the necessary accoutrements: grey goose, champagne and Pringles. I am admittedly feeling a little rock star-esque… especially after reading my Facebook πŸ˜™ and decided one week was plenty of time for the WPP and me.

I Follow Rivers. ❀️

Back in America for now, I am a little surprised by my jet lag. I’ve only been in Europe four continuous months. You’d think that where you were born, things would just shift right back into place. Like the feeling of comfort food. In my case, aside from stocking up on my Arm & Hammer toothpaste and Excedrin, I miss France. 😘 πŸ‡«πŸ‡· I miss saying ‘bonjour’ and ‘au revoir’ to every person I encounter as though it were natural. I will look forward to when I go home, 🎢 “home is wherever I’m with you.” 😍 I miss The Voice: la plus belle voix and cute judge Jenifer. I miss oysters and St. Estephe. I miss men in pantalon rouge. I even miss the signature ‘ding ding ding’ of SNCF… so that should really put it into perspective! πŸ˜‰

Having come to the surface here in Washington, how perfect to spend time with my nephew’s adorable family! I am so excited. I’ve not met little miss Brooklyn yet or seen my niece this pregnant. 😁 Two little toddlers loving up their great-auntie, plus that down-home comfort of my nephew and wife… it will be so fun and lovely! I brought Kinder Surprises for the girls. πŸ˜™ Afterward, I’ll be ‘making the rounds’ with not much of a planned structure. I’ll touch as many of my lovelies as I can while I am in America… and still need to select a fun route home. πŸ˜„ hint hint.

Sufficed to say, whatever happens in the Witness Protection Program STAYS in the Witness Protection Program. πŸ˜‰ Β It wasΒ better than actual waifdom last year, plus it includes day time martinis.🍸 It’s strange to think that I’ve got a home in Bordeaux now and have hopefully begun to build a truly beautiful life between it and La Ville RosΓ©. πŸ˜πŸ‡«πŸ‡·β€οΈ Make A Wish! 🌟

Meanwhile… back on the ranch, did someone say ‘BBQ this Saturday’? πŸ˜‰

Ready to go back to France!

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