Archive for May, 2014

In a concerted effort to not piss off Kelly, I’ve been sunscreening my face and dรฉcolletรฉ for the last three weeks whilst out and about in windy Santa Barbara. Today will be rather heroic as Phase Two of ‘waifdom’ officially begins. I can’t wait. ๐Ÿ˜ There’s no day like botox day and I am ready to get this show on the road. It’s been a fabulous stay on so many levels but I really miss my crazy.

Santa Barbara is something else, that’s for sure. I exceeded my self-induced expectations. I was able to manage time for old-school friends and family, rocked Envizage’s busiest month-to-date for 2014, exercised daily, kept up Boo’s 30-fucking-day squat challenge and am en route to San Francisco with the comfort of having had a proper catch up with my love-bus… finally.

La vie est belle! Before heading back to the Palace, I have an amazing San Fran day ahead of me. It’s not often I say that. I found a non-flake San Franciscan (granted he’s actually German) to have lunch with, a few free hours to work, and meds in my pocket to assist with the sheer terror of my impending, albeit voluntary, tasering. My UBER issues are resolved and dinner with the cutest, most fun and hip family I know is scheduled! I’m telling you… botox day is even better than my birthday. ๐Ÿ’ซ it’s almost magical!

I did 50 squats while blow drying, 30 while putting on make-up and have just 50 more to go. The schedule is tight (as is my bum!) but I will find a way to squeeze them in. I wonder if Don’t-Piss-In-the-Pool-Paul would mind if I do them at Chez Papa Mint? Or should we go to Anchor & Hope… mmm or Barbacco is always nice. Already thinking about food even after my mother steamed me the perfect soft-boiled egg this morning… I’m at that bottomless-pit point of the month.

I feel well-prepared and ready for the madness that is my near future. Being in PDT, working for clients close and also really far away, I was still able to maintain a bit of throughout. ๐Ÿ˜† My Swiss friends in Texas (talk about random) gave me an educational lesson on the myth of the Phoenix and something having to do with ashes. The VP texted a photo of himself with a bit of facial hair (yes, still pretty freaking hot) and the big fish he caught. I had the most fun daytime surprise pop-in on my favourite boss, Biff. Mrs Jetsetter is keeping me grounded with our stars and exciting Mars transition. ๐ŸŒŸ๐ŸŒ๐ŸŒ™ I solved my fancy UAE client’s final leg of his ‘spend-Ramadan-elsewhere’ holiday. And people think I’ve got it great. Aside from his near-weekly corporate travel to fabulous places like Melbourne, Paris and Russia… the whole family will begin this year’s holiday at Hello Kitty and Disneyland Tokyo, followed by a couple weeks at Four Seasons Maldives and thanks to my random suggestion: a seaside villa in Dubrovnik. I really do love my job.

I am so appreciative of the time I was able to spend not only with with my family, but with so many people I’ve not seen in a hundred years. It’s impossible to hit everyone, but I sure as hell try. The other night a woman I went all through school with, who I hadn’t seen since our high school graduation, surprise-text me as she was in town from LA, just visiting like me, preparing for her own international adventure. We were never all that close and my memory is absolute shite. But she told me a story I had forgotten from when we were in eighth grade and I’ve not been able to get it out of my mind. No details are necessary but I was reminded that even then: I had the honest, ballsy, gritty kindness and genuine integrity I still carry with me today. I’m deeply flattered to have made an impression on her life, so simply and unknowingly, by just doing the right thing despite bullshit popularity and mean-spirited girls. ๐Ÿ˜Š

Here I come Kelly… properly sunscreened and ready for your magic now! Phase Two has officially begun. Only 19 more sleeps, three countries and five flights before I leave for Phase Three!!! ๐Ÿ˜ x

Am so happy to be in a real city again… even if it is San Fran! And by real I mean: no ‘burbs and no car required! ๐Ÿ‘ธ

The late night text I sent to the VP, random, in his weekday morning!

The late night text I sent to the VP, random, on his weekday morning!


The Chocolate Gallery, 33 years and counting!

I believe you can. I feel justified declaring myself a full-blown New Yorker. The pace in sunny SoCal and me… well maybe we just don’t quite mesh. I feel abrupt just walking into the bank or a shop by the reactions that my mere contiguity seems to entice from the folks around here. It is interesting, to say the least. I’m unknowingly staring in a Cohen Brother movie. ๐Ÿ˜ I have to admit that it’s difficult not to walk fast, get impatient at a cross walk when there are barely any cars on a massive suburban intersection, and ask sharp, precise and direct questions. I think my real problem is that no one else reacts with much swiftness. I’m not complaining, Santa Barbara is a very nice place. I walk these streets now with confidence… amazed how much nothing has changed. In fact, I’ve realised Country Meat Market is just across the road… how funny! And then Bob Seger comes on with “Still The Same” and I can’t help but reflect, with a huge sense of accomplishment and a giggle. I so completely respect all of my lovelies who simply love living in our hometown. I just cannot relate. I imagine many wouldn’t relate to my three mile walk to spin for two hours, as I must maintain the business, of course, but also my figure in anticipation of my upcoming ‘pool day’ with the VP. ๐Ÿ˜ Eat-your-heart-out moments are secretly my most favourite.

In the land of the perpetual cul-de-sac, having just jumped the Overpass fence to the bike path, I passed the San Simeon house where I swindled that deal for a limo ride to my eighth grade ‘school dance’, and found the perfect avocado just fallen off someone’s tree. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ I watched Calle Real slowly go by, (and Jimbo as well!) ๐Ÿ˜Š and am genuinely moved by every song that proceeds the next, upon reflection of my last decade away. I’d never have known the words to that legendary Stone Roses ballad by heart, without the VP. I’d never have the relationship to music that I do, had my dear client not outfaced me to actually spin for charity rather than just donate money. I’d never have been introduced to Bob Dylan by my immeasurably loved special friend. Can’t imagine Gangnam Style would sound the same had Ashlee and I not smashed it at our London event. Would Ed Sheeran even be on my radar had that gorgeous tall Brit not downloaded it to my iTunes ๐Ÿ˜š whilst in Mexico? And let’s face it… what would I even do without Pulp!? What I do know, is that more than anything, my head is lost on some bus with Edward Sharpe’s “Home”, and I simply must distract myself in the form of general mischief. ๐Ÿ˜‡

“… and so it depends”… sigh ๐Ÿ˜•

I don’t count San Fran as real trips so therefore I’ve oddly not been on one since New Year. I must admit, I’m growing increasingly excited as St. Barth’s, Puerto Rico, Oman, Dubai, Bangkok and California hover in my v near future. As much as I’m trying to initiate change and market my incredible business, I think the ever-present debates about arranging Italian versus French hotel sites, or offers to pop across the pond ๐Ÿ˜‰ helps to ground, legitimise and motivate me. With all the dead-weight now in storage, I must incorporate meeting my second grand-niece, Brooklyn ๐Ÿ˜ in Washington State with a Vegas conference impending that I’m still not quite sure attending, for the third year in a row, is worthwhile. (and I’m completely full of shite, as it is not likely I’ll miss that reunion, I mean… conference)

I say this with respect, but if my internal debates were centred more around “what should I pick up at Country Meat Market for dinner”, I don’t think I’d be a v happy person. And on that note I’ll head over to the Chocolate Factory to collect a real down home special surprise for my Bistro family on the upper east side. ๐Ÿ˜ Maybe I’ll turn on “Withnail & I” or “Amelie” for a bit of mental stabilisation. My six miles today, coupled with a two-hour self-spin sesh helped as well.

Turns out you can take the girl out of Santa Barbara and you can also take Santa Barbara out of the girl. I’ve officially defected. I’m hungry for New York, Capri and Seoul. However, as often or little I visit ‘home’, I can always count on this crow. This is the only fucking crow I’ve ever seen in my life… and it lives outside my parent’s house where I grew up. Not quite as scary as the kraken, but what is with this silly old bird? Speaking of kraken, to formally answer my dear friend’s question: I think I am really beginning to enjoy my liberation. x and here’s a tip: being at mum’s is not v gluten-friendly! Love you, mom! ๐Ÿ˜˜

But “give me champagne when I’m thirsty, andโ€ฆ ” ๐Ÿ˜


My parent’s pet crow ๐Ÿ™‚


The SoCal desert oasis by night

Who knew back in December when I quoted that stupid EXPLORE book… that I’d have taken Henry Miller so seriously! Jeez, I took: ‘all growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without the benefit of experience.โ€™ to a whole other level! โœˆ๏ธ Well, not really… it’s not so scary once you break it all down.

To be honest, I am self-aware enough to know when I need something. I’m not ever quite bright enough to get to the right answer myselfโ€ฆ but always straggle my way to it. Like these dogs I’m meant to babysit this week. They get all antsy and wallop about like two hours before they need to eat something. Well… in dog years, that is probably equivalent to my human walloping when I realise I need to change something as well ๐Ÿถ Ha! Good journey thus far- I’m comparing my life to that of a dog’s. It’s kind of true though! ๐Ÿ˜ณ

My first well-wish was hilariously described as: an ‘unshackled indenture of tenancy with lease obligations’, and, ‘being a vagrant of no fixed abode’… followed by an ‘I think you’ll like it!’ I have the best friends that any person could ever wish for… ๐Ÿ˜ Similar messages have been flowing in the last couple days since I physically left NYC. Don’t worry guys… I’m not done with NYC yet!!! Concocting and fantasising about my new space or neighbourhood is kind of fun too. ๐Ÿ˜Š Plus I’ve already got the absolute best real estate agent thinking about and discussing future potentials… she totally gets me. Meanwhile, Will Ferrell will continue to take good care of our fake child, and I look forward to surprising JG and Bistro on my NYC pop-ins. ๐Ÿ˜‰. White-box chocolates for everyone! ๐ŸŽ‰

Now that all of the flotsam has been either completely disposed of, donated, or properly organised… I must admit to feeling a bit ‘through’ a significant chunk of change. Figuratively, not monetarily. It’s sort of like: ‘okay the dogs have been fed now’. I have my new Italian cycling shoes, a meticulously calculated suitcase for this 4-week journey, and a smart focused marketing plan. Like I incessantly demand from my clients, I too must provide a ‘trip purpose’. This particular trip’s purpose is to be sporty and productive. The next trip will be primped whilst marketing. Eh, who cares. Henry said to take a fucking leap and I subconsciously chose to take note! ๐Ÿ‘€ ๐Ÿ˜„ Didn’t expect to be leaping into crazy wind gusts though! Running against it today made me realise I belong in New York, as it is definitely easier to run in the snow than it is in 40 mph gusts!

My antsy wallop probably began in December. Then after the birthday, Bonnie from the Tumi store called me personally, to notify that my wine-coloured Tegra-Lite had arrivedโ€ฆ and something just clicked. Poof ๐Ÿ’จ here I am in the most serene and peaceful environment one could ever hope for! There is a desert oasis in my own backyard. ๐Ÿ‘ธ I have chosen the most gemรผtlich prologue to my vagrancy: with my aunties. ๐Ÿ’• Yes AJ, I noticed our Le Meurice rubber ducky ๐Ÿฅ in ‘my’ bathroom. I think we’ve all gone emoticon-crazy.

It feels incredible to be in such positive space, with a keen focus on fine-tuning the loose ends of the rebrand and a refresh of the business that I built five years ago. It just feels right to be free, to be wandering, to remain responsible, to be aware, and… to be ‘leaping’. My first stop is highly inspirational and the most nurturing emotional base a girl could ever dream of having. Thank you. Love you and hope my Cinco de Mayo ๐ŸŽ‰๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿน(how is there no emoticon for burrito, FFS?) was a worthwhile treat.

Sending love and good chi to my adventurous nephew who just arrived Thailand. I’d love to fantasise that perhaps he has a little courage and influence from his auntie, like I do mine. ๐Ÿ˜˜ That kind of successive knowledge at his young age, is going to thrill me to watch. So much that I will visit him next month! Tickets booked, upgrade secured, and Four Seasons all set! This mile-whore is not wasting her 2014 privileges! Plus, I cannot think of any way to be more supportive and excited for this young man’s journey. Enjoy the ever-enchanting wai. See you soon.

And on that note, Sawasdee ka. x and ooo


And the oasis by day! o