The joke’s on me!

Posted: February 14, 2014 in Travels


What the F just happened? I feel like Sweet Dee looks in the attached photo, from my favourite show: It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. She went on to do unshowered (love her) standup comedy in this episode and coined the phrase: ‘The joke’s on Dee’. And it is so appropriately on demand in seat 1A, which is a miracle I’m even sitting in. 😳

I am almost at a loss for words (shocker!) how to articulate my last 48 hours. My left leg, which is well-known, worldwide, as being hollow. Well it’s now gone dead. But I have a rockstar to blame for that. And Tom, we all know JG Tom… thinks I had a stroke. 🚷 I paraded, for random analysis, up and down the restaurant, whilst the late night crew gauged the seriousness of why my left leg keeps just folding. This was after the first 3 of 13 inches of snow fell last night, when I walked the deaf and speechless v kind neighbour into his apartment safely. Earlier in the afternoon, I had a bit of a bet with the rockstar to uphold. Later on, I fell up some stairs after the most unbelievably odd (yeah even for me!) evening, fell out the taxi home (sober !!!), walked my deaf friend home, got cash while a new perky afghani friend waited, and then fell twice in the sludge. Sadly my falls were not even sludge related as I had the Hunter boots on. At least JG had a laugh! It’s so weird though it’s actually funny… I cannot feel my left hollow leg. There’s no issue though, no pain. Just numbness. The cute afghani tried to randomly massage life back into it, but after I catwalked to Paul Simon’s ‘slip out the back Jack’ and my v own Bobby D’s: ‘you’re gonna make me lonesome’, at JG, our conclusion was: you’ve had a stroke. 😯

I thought that maybe once I slept a bit and some of those pinched nerves relaxed that today it would be better. See… I am currently en route to San Fran just for the day. For Kelly I’d go to the moon and back 😆 yes every 4 months. Anyway, the afghani and stroke analysation kept me out far later than anticipated and I slept through my alarm. 😣

I awoke in an absolute frenzy at 7:39am, after 13 inches of overnight NYC snow, without car service on call… for an 8:55am flight to SF. Yeah the fucking ‘joke was on me’ alright! I brushed my teeth, threw on clean jeans and panties… and just hauled ass downstairs. I thankfully had an amazing taxi driver. I’ve got no clue how I made this flight as ‘they’ say JFK is at least 30 minutes from the upper east side in zero traffic. Good luck during rush hour valentine day, which is bullshit (valentine not rush hour traffic!), Friday after 13 inches snow and in prep for another 6 tonight… I f’ing made it. Granted, my left leg ‘gave out’ as I stepped out of taxi into airport and yeah another (the 6th or 7th time now) knee plant into the snowy sludge. So just take a sec for the visual: Liz after three hours sleep, dead left leg, pony tail, all my shit thrown into purse (except my vitamins I took the time to get the 7 pills out! still laying on my kitchen counter), trying to get myself sorted as it got closer and closer to my 8:55am flight. The Van Wyck was surprisingly quick, nothing but a jacket and stupid briefcase in tow, falling out the taxi (literally) onto the ground 😝 then being immediately shuffled away in my sweet frantic charming panic, to the front of all TSA and boarding lines… and onto my flight. In time for a pre flight champagne. What the hell. Silver lining: I wore no mascara last night so I’ve got no dark circles or make up running down my pretty little soon-to-be-freshly-botoxed face. Botox day is even better than my birthday and it comes 4 times a year. With someone like Kelly… it’s just indescribable. But for me it’s ALL about my Kelly, NOT the botox! She’s just genius.

I’m not in the lulu but venture to guess Kelly will take one look at me today and just shake her head. We’ll all have a big laugh at dinner tonight (before my red eye home) and then next weekend as everyone will be present in NYC. That is, if my left leg ever decides to work again. I half-folded after my TSA security check-in. I’m learning to control it I think! Or at least how to land softly. BART ought to be interesting! I miss Nilmar.

Things are a bit surreal and likely will be until my big 4-0 passes. Then what will we all do? 😢

And I love my favourite client: “so exactly how many ex-boyfriends will be there?” Haha… v funny. (though it does still remain a mystery!)


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